I've really been struggling lately with questioning God's plan for my life. I'm so confused and stressed out about the fact that my husband is not getting a job and wondering where God could possibly be taking us through all this. We have had no income other than unemployment for over a year now and we have been humbled and embarassed and our faith has been tested over and over again. We have gotten through each day by taking turns being the "strong one" and encouraging each other that God was leading us somewhere and that perfect job was out there if we had the faith to get there...but I've been really starting to doubt the process and wonder if there is ANY job out there, let alone the perfect one.
I know this is what faith is. Trusting in God even when and especially when everything is out of your control, but every day that passes and nothing changes, more doubts creep in. On my worst days, it almost feels like we are being punished. On those days I have my pity party of feeling abandoned and wondering why so many other people who don't deserve it have all the things that I want.
On my more mature days, I remind myself that if I had been abandoned then I wouldn't have the family and friends around me that have helped us and encouraged us so much. I have to remind myself that if I was being punished then I wouldn't have an amazing husband and three HEALTHY babies.
Maybe we haven't learned all we need to yet about having complete faith in God and I'd like to say that I'm almost there, but I am only human. Only God knows where I am and where I need to be, so today I will trust in Him.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey Carly. You don't know me, but I sometimes browse other people's blogs (mostly out of boredom) out of curiousity. I wanted you to know that I have a couple other friends who are in similar situations as your husband, who have also been looking for jobs for over a year and feel as though they are failures. This is the hardest time in a lot of people's lives right now, and I just want you to know that I will be praying for your family. I am 30 years old and am also from Fort Wayne. I have 3 kids as well, and I know what it can be like to want to rip your hair out at times, but you just are so blessed at the same time. God does have a plan for your family. Keep pressing on. I am proud of you for trying to get an education too, when you have 3 kids under 3 to look after. That is impressive! Don't give up girl.
ReplyDeleteIn Him,
Beth